There are many way to reach and maintain a mental state of Calm. While much of this can be used in life in general this blog was written with the topic of romantic relationships in mind, married or not. I tried to write for you just a little bit about some ways to achieve this not commonly found online.
1. Practice Calm. It helps to know what you are shooting for and there are untold ways to practice calm. Sometimes it can be done by listing to calming music, doing fun and relaxing activities, perhaps going to the a lake or beach. Just remember it is something you practice, so there is a need to do these kinds of thing and to make time for it. You could call it a healthy selfishness that will make you a more happy and calm person, that others can enjoy. But one of the most effective ways to practice calm is to use your imagination. For instance if you struggle to calm in conflict with a person and or over a topic, take a few minutes each day to close your eyes and imagine it. In your mind imagine having that conversation or situation where you remain calm, no matter what is going on, no matter what they say you imagine staying calm. The power of your imagination can not be underestimated. Give it a try.
2. Stop caring. If you tell yourself it matters, then it does. The opposite is true too. Few things in life that we argue over will really matter the next day or the next year. We should care about our values and principle’s and how we are treated and how we treat others obviously. However not caring about the small stuff is not only empowering but it allows you to step back and think about how you want to conduct business, based on your values and principle’s, and how you want to be and how you want your life to go. Letting go of small stuff or things you can not control helps you stay happier healthier and calmer.
3. Believe. Believe in how special you are and believe in the person you are talking to. It does not matter who it is you have to decide if you see most people as good or not. If you say most people are not then you are setting the stage to react from a non calm place. Because if most people suck, then it’s natural to not be calm but to be reactive in an effort to protect yourself, get your way or just to get them to back off. If most people are good then regardless of how they speak to you or what they do you can usually recognize that there was some kind of positive intent. They have said it poorly or hut your feelings by what they did or did not do but if you believe they meant no harm it is easier to say calm and even forgive and hopefully you can education the person on what would be your preference next time. This does mean learning to sometimes set your pride and ego to the side.
4. Accept the feeling. When we feel slighted or hurt it is pretty natural to NOT want to feel that way. Sadly in the desire to not hurt we often lash out in a way that does not promote calm. Accepting the hurt, means to be compassionate to yourself by saying things like “ouch, that hurts but its okay, I know its just a feeling, and I will work this out” or some other compassionate phrase. Dont forget when others hurt you it is usually because they themselves are hurting and not being compassionate with themselves, or those around them. In short it is not okay to hurt other or hurt them back just because you are hurting. This idea blends of nicely with number 3 as written above.
5. Change your expectation. When you keep reacting to something that keeps happing over and over the problem is possibly not the problem but your expectation. For instance if you exspect that someone will do or say something then you likely will be more emotionally prepared for and able to deal with it in a calm way. But reacting surprised about whatever it is over and over, just leads to disappointment and bitterness. After all we know the sun is going to come up every morning, why get all bent out of shape over it and start the day grumpy? It does not benfit us. One of the best ways to practice calm is to have fairly high expectation’s for your self and how you manage things, and fairly low expectation’s for others. This does not mean you wont act or or hold others accountable. It just means you will lead by example, by allowing people to do what people do. Make mistakes, work on them, hopefully do better and be better from learning the hard way. When we change our expectation’s we are not only better able to work with or around a situation we also learn to free ourselves. In that alone like a bird in the sky there is a freedom there and a certain kind of calm as well.
Thank for reading and reach out if you have questions on our company email.
If you or someone you love could benfit from this post or from therapy please have them contact us, or direct them to our therapist page or home page, where they can learn about what services we offer and insurances we accept.
David Linares, MHC and CEO of: Scshawaii.net and lifewiselearningcenter.com