Some of the deepest wounds we get in this life are from relationships, romantic or otherwise. The saying “Time heals all wounds” is true but just about everyone that hears this cringes because we live in a on demand I want it now world. No one wants to slowly heal and so we work to get better as fast a possible. In romantic relationships sometimes that means breaking up with one partner only to immediately find another. But if we are to belive “Time heals all wounds” how does that work?
It works in several ways but only if you let it.
Time gives us perspective. The ability to sit back and think about and even compare our experiences to others. This allows us to emotionally process what happened and to understand and even accept what happened and our feelings about it. And much like a physical injury time helps to dull the pain.
Time also give us the gift of learning to refocus. Sometimes a dramatic or traumatic issue can be nearly all consuming effecting all areas of our lives from work to friends and family but at some point as the pain fades or when we are just “Sick and tired of being sick and tired” we choose to refocus on someone else or something else. Done in a healthy way this allows us to create new memories hopefully positive ones that we can focus on. This also lets us compare and contrast the past and who we were in the past to who we are now, what we learned from the past and who we want to be, how we want to live and what values or issues in our lives need to take priority.
Time also tends to “send people our way” in the same way you are reading this in a moment in time, so to do certain people, instagram posts, radio songs, etc happen in our lives and from this we start to heal and as we heal we reach out to create support systems, people that we can talk to or share with. Sometimes that means going to individual or group therapy, sometimes it just means calling family more or joining a club or organization you can be proud to be a part of.
Though these processes growth starts to happen little by little like a plant. We as humans tend to grow best slowly, learning lifes lessons as we go. But this slow growth, this slow healing allows us to put down deep roots if done right. And like a plant we become stronger and not so easy to uproot or nock down. We start to honor our past, our experiences, they dont define us but they are part of our story and our story of triumph. So we celebrate this in many diffrent ways, often without thinking about it. Sometimes it is done in small normal ways, a birthday party for another year lived, choosing to forgive someone to free ourselves from the wounds of the past, accepting the past for what it is while learning to love ourselves by setting up healthy boundaries with ourselves and with others. All these things and so much more take time and in time we find closure and freedom.
While time can and often does if we like it or not heal all wounds it does not mean that all wounds will heal completely or correctly. To help yourself speed things up learning how to forgive, prioritize yourself and finding meaning from the experience, can help you heal faster and better. If you choose to seek out people or a therapist, or other skilled professional to assist in your healing journey you might heal faster and better by gaining the wisdom of others who have been there and done that and helped many others. Everyone is diffrent and deals with pain differently but a common question I am often asked is “How long will it hurt” Or “how long will it take to heal/get over it”?
No one wants to hear a professional say. “I do not know” but the truth is a big factor is how much work you are willing to put in to to the healing process plays a big factor. As a therapist thanks to managed care with insurance we know that in therapy if fully compliant it usually takes less than 2 years to make significant sustainable progress on most issues in life.
If you or someone you love could benfit from this post or from therapy please have them contact us, or direct them to our therapist page or home page, where they can learn about what services we offer and insurances we accept.
David Linares, LMHC
CEO Serenity Counseling Services Hawaii and Life Wise Learning Center